The 14th of February, 2014.
‘My dearest and the most beautiful lady of my life, Happy Valentine’s day…’
This text surpassed every other text that came my way today. I really did have tears in my eyes coz I think I must be God’s favourite child to experience all that I experience…including the abundant love in my life. I just thought of the texts I had received today, most being from friends whom I have known for such a long time that there is a certain mellow tranquility and bliss in these relationships. I am awed at how love changes hues and shades as time runs through…and how each of its shades is just as beautiful.
In your teens, it is so dopamine driven. All those moments of endless palpitations and starry eyed trances. That phase of life when you sought love a whole lot more than it sought you. And then, over the years, you mellow down and learn to let love seek you. A feeling of calmness descends and you begin to find immense value in those holistic dimensions of love that almost make you feel that you have rediscovered your childhood. Those sublime relationships where love is rarely a spoken word- relationships that carry those familiar remnants of the early years of your life, much before you were exposed to the bitter truths of life and much before you had learnt the art of survival and defence in a world of opportunists. Relationships that help you keep in touch with the self you thought you had lost to time and life.
At long last, I am aware that I can own nothing and none in this world, save for my perceptions. I am in acceptance of that. This acceptance makes every perception so precious that I feel the need to record all my perceptions and capture their magic in the words I pen down. Ironically, it is when you stop feeling the desire to own and possess that love floods your doorstep. And this time, it is to stay. You lose the fear of losing coz now your needs from love are modest. When you outgrow the fear of losing and the complexity of needs, love transforms into the effortless flow of a river.
This awareness has taught me the true value of perception. We differ only in our perceptions- by the manner in which we encode our experiences and internalize them to recreate a world within our minds. At the end of the day, it is only electrical signals that are generated within our brains, but I am awed by the difference in the way each one of us perceives the same phenomenon. How even a ripple in a pond creates a ripple in my mind…how a drop of sunshine lights up my very being…how a whiff of memories can heal the deepest wounds of my soul. I almost feel guilty for not having captured my perceptions, for fleeting they are, and I have wasted them away. Yet, a precious chunk of them still lies lovingly tucked away into the memory box in my mind. If I can just get into the mood and sort through them, I shall still find enough to write for a lifetime. It is one of the things I want to live for. Write out my life. Simply because with me, my perceptions shall die too. And I wish to immortalize them.
And finally to the one who sent me that text, albeit transient in a realistic sense, you shall remain the most phenomenal perception in my mind. May life treat you to the very best!