The 14th of February, 2014.

‘My dearest and the most beautiful lady of my life, Happy Valentine’s day…’
This text surpassed every other text that came my way today. I really did have tears in my eyes coz I think I must be God’s favourite child to experience all that I experience…including the abundant love in my life. I just thought of the texts I had received today, most being from friends whom I have known for such a long time that there is a certain mellow tranquility and bliss in these relationships. I am awed at how love changes hues and shades as time runs through…and how each of its shades is just as beautiful.
In your teens, it is so dopamine driven. All those moments of endless palpitations and starry eyed trances. That phase of life when you sought love a whole lot more than it sought you. And then, over the years, you mellow down and learn to let love seek you. A feeling of calmness descends and you begin to find immense value in those holistic dimensions of love that almost make you feel that you have rediscovered your childhood. Those sublime relationships where love is rarely a spoken word- relationships that carry those familiar remnants of the early years of your life, much before you were exposed to the bitter truths of life and much before you had learnt the art of survival and defence in a world of opportunists. Relationships that help you keep in touch with the self you thought you had lost to time and life.

At long last, I am aware that I can own nothing and none in this world, save for my perceptions. I am in acceptance of that. This acceptance makes every perception so precious that I feel the need to record all my perceptions and capture their magic in the words I pen down. Ironically, it is when you stop feeling the desire to own and possess that love floods your doorstep. And this time, it is to stay. You lose the fear of losing coz now your needs from love are modest. When you outgrow the fear of losing and the complexity of needs, love transforms into the effortless flow of a river.

This awareness has taught me the true value of perception. We differ only in our perceptions- by the manner in which we encode our experiences and internalize them to recreate a world within our minds. At the end of the day, it is only electrical signals that are generated within our brains, but I am awed by the difference in the way each one of us perceives the same phenomenon. How even a ripple in a pond creates a ripple in my mind…how a drop of sunshine lights up my very being…how a whiff of memories can heal the deepest wounds of my soul. I almost feel guilty for not having captured my perceptions, for fleeting they are, and I have wasted them away. Yet, a precious chunk of them still lies lovingly tucked away into the memory box in my mind. If I can just get into the mood and sort through them, I shall still find enough to write for a lifetime. It is one of the things I want to live for. Write out my life. Simply because with me, my perceptions shall die too. And I wish to immortalize them.

And finally to the one who sent me that text, albeit transient in a realistic sense, you shall remain the most phenomenal perception in my mind. May life treat you to the very best!


4 thoughts on “Love?

  1. It is when we are chasing love, that we worship it as a demi-god , if not god, but loves consumes us like a demon. And when you have learnt to live without it, or no longer feel the need to chase it, it comes and knocks at our door, willing to be ever present and serving us with all it’s majesty.

    Having realised that we own nothing, you want to immortalise your perceptions.

    My Qn is why do you want to immortalise something in this mortal world inhabited by mortal beings ? What purpose would it serve ? Writing and expressing for the love of expressing/interacting or for entertaining or even educating I can understand. Why the desire to immortalise ? And once we are gone, do we know what happens to what we leave behind us ?

  2. Taheseen,
    If not for the writers who left behind their imprints in their books, the movie directors whose movies I continue to watch long after they have bid goodbye to this world, I doubt if I would have found the courage in me to live life on my terms. It is the perceptions they immortalized in their works of art, that guided me to all the treasures that I found in my life. Despite death being a universal truth, it does not by any means, undermine the value of life. I hope that by immortalizing my perceptions, some soul like me shall read my musings some day and derive inspiration and courage from it.

  3. I guess there was a difference in perception here. What you replied now, I would place in the category of ‘education’ (ref : my comment) 🙂 ; and that makes sense.
    Just before I read your post, I had been reflecting on the frailty of humans. How man has been created weak; how a very minor illness can break his bones with pain and make him incapable of even standing on his own legs, while just a while ago he had been fantasising about conquering the world… you know the whole mortality concept… hence when I read your post, my interpretation was all along those lines, a totally different tangent.

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