A Candle in the Wind- I

Amidst spells of sunshine, one does not anticipate rain. On a sunny day towards the fag end of May, when temperatures are boiling, it is unthinkable to wake up the next morning to an overcast sky and the pitter-patter of the rain, with not a trace of the sun that had dominated the skies until that point in time.
For her sunny spirit, sorrow seemed alien. But she proved that she could go as low as she could go high. And so, her sorrow knew no bounds; it easily slipped into depression. Depression was a sea; there was no end to it.
She had seen the clouds approaching, but she hadn’t taken notice. Abhinav had been uncertain all along, but his continued presence in her life made her optimistic. She nurtured the hope that his confusion would clear…that he would open his eyes to her love…that they would be married some day. But he had never really committed. Verbally, he had always expressed his doubts on their compatibility. But in gestures, he had always sprinkled his affection. And her mind had always banked on non-verbal language; she had always found more truth in that.
But last evening, he had called it off. ‘I am going back to Delhi. I am meeting Neha. I don’t know my exact feelings for her, but I want to explore that relationship. We are not good for each other, Diya!’. The words still echoed in her mind. Somehow, the mention of a potential relationship had finally forced her to focus on what he had been saying all along- ‘We are not compatible’. When he had said those words yesterday, her mind had gone blank for a second. And then, the hammering started. She felt that a thousand people were hammering in her head and screaming at her- ‘You are not good enough!’. She wanted the screaming to stop. But it didn’t. It irritated her. She drove like crazy while he sat next to her, watching her reaction. ‘Stop the car’, he said. She didn’t. ‘Stop the car!’, he screamed. She stopped. They sat for five minutes in silence. ‘Are you okay?’, he asked. She nodded in silence. She started the car, drove slowly, and dropped him at his office. As he got off, she never once looked at him; she just stared straight ahead. ‘Take care of yourself’, he said. She wanted to laugh. She couldn’t believe it. They took your heart, damaged it, and then returned it to you, asking you to mend it yourself. She started the car and drove off, never once looking at him.
The hardest part had been to face her parents. They had no clue of what was happening in her life; their only concern was that she had been coming home late these days. What would the neighbours think? While such trivial thoughts bothered them, she wondered how she would conceal the bleeding wounds of her soul today. One look at her face, and anyone could tell she was a wreck. Well, there was no escape from it. She rang the bell and her mother opened the door. ‘Where have you been after college? Do you know what time it is? Is this the time to come home? Is there any girl in the neighbourhood who comes home at this time?’ The words were a blur, but for once, she was thankful for the screaming. It had masked her actual state of mind. ‘I am going to my room. I don’t want dinner…I ate out’, she said. This was greeted by more temper, but it gave her the excuse to run to her room without revealing the internal chaos within her mind.
In the solitude of her room, she felt a little better. Better than she had felt that evening. She showered and took to bed. In the darkness, she suddenly felt scared. A strange feeling of sheer loneliness took over, and made her panic. No tears would come; all she felt was a rising panic. Her mind was a turbulent sea. It was as if someone had cut off all her anchors and left her to herself in deep waters.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s