A Candle in the Wind-VI

And thus, that phase of her life gradually found closure. She graduated and stepped into the infinity of the real world. She did not keep in touch with him. It wasn’t on purpose; the pressures and preoccupations of the next phase just took over. The demons associated with the loss of Abhinav had been laid to rest.
After nearly 2 years of that incident, she wrote to Abhinav, smiling at the memory of that phase. She felt nothing as she wrote that mail-no pain, no love, no spite. They met and as they sat across from each other, he smiled. He liked this transformation in her. He liked her this way, without the emotional vulnerability. He liked her for her strength- the way she had come out of that entire episode, though he knew nothing of what had actually transpired. She looked at him, searching her own mind for any residual feelings. But all she felt was freedom. The person sitting across her was like a new person- a person she did not know…a person she was willing to know, without any prejudices corrupting the perception. A person who may or may not be a part of her life. And the fact that it no longer mattered, made her feel free. She was able to talk to him, laugh and feel light. She put forth her slam book and he wrote for her. She smiled, and he smiled an affectionate smile. She loved this little slam book; it contained notes from people who had made a deep impact on her life, at some point or the other. People who had contributed to her self-discovery. Dr V had written too, just a few pages before Abhinav.
2 more years passed. She had been in touch with Abhinav, on and off. They lived in different parts of the world, and met occasionally. One September, a few months after she had met him, she thought back to their last meeting. It had felt good. Abhinav was right. When they had broken up years ago, there had been no real friendship between them. Infatuation had sparked that relationship. They were too young then and knew not their own selves. How could they then expect to know each other? It felt different now. They had met again at a time when they probably cared more about the companionship, than the direction their relationship was taking. Life was indeed alive with miracles and possibilities.
As she checked her inbox, his name caught her attention. She read through his e mail. ‘I am in love. And never before, have I felt this way. I think I was waiting for this person all my life.’ The mail was all about how they had met, and how love had taken him with it. She stared at the screen for a long time. She felt calm and relaxed. She felt good he had shared this with her.
When they met next, he was engaged. She wanted to hear more; she wanted to watch him narrate it all with excitement in his eyes. But he only gave her a long look. After what felt like eternity, he just held her hand and said, ‘Why are we like this?’ This once, she loved the silence.. her own silence.
For his wedding, she was not around. She opened her slam book and read through what he had written for her years ago. She turned the pages and landed on the note Dr V had written. It had taken her years to understand that what she had experienced during that phase of life, was a phenomenon they call ‘transference’ in Psychiatry. It had saved her life. On an impulse, she decided to meet Dr V. She made a trip to those premises that had formed the backdrop of her life then, and saw his name, written in bold letters at the entrance of his cabin. The nurse showed her in. ‘Dr V….’,she muttered. He looked at her quizzically? ‘Please have a seat. How can I help you?’ She was perplexed. ‘Don’t you remember me, Dr V? I was a student here.’ He frowned. ‘Were you? I can’t seem to recollect.’ She was about to pour out all the details of that episode of her life, when she impulsively stopped herself. After a long pause, she said,’That’s right. You see so many students every year. It would be impossible for you to remember each one of them. I was just passing this way…thought I would just drop in.’ He smiled. She rose, and slowly walked out. He smiled. She had unfurled into the individual he hoped she would….


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